I am a published author who jumps out of cakes for money.
Named one of Gizmodo's “Top 10 Blogger Babes”
Named one of GIANT Magazine's
“8 Rising Stars of Media and Politics”
Named one of Jane Magazine's
“30 Under 30”
One of “NYC's hottest bloggirls”
—Jossip
Voted one of “Washington’s Most Loathsome”
“Who is Jessica Cutler? Let's just say
she's a very friendly Syracuse native
who has dedicated her life to govern-
ment service in Washington, D.C.”
—The Syracuse Post-Standard
“Jessica Cutler is beautiful, untalented, and morally corrupted.”
—Michelle Malkin in The National Enquirer
“Forget the war in Iraq and the presidential election—the real talk in the nation's capital is about the exploits of former senatorial staffer Jessica Cutler.”
—In Touch Weekly
“Infamously cool...a cult hero in new media”
—Law and More
“Jessica Cutler helped to put blogging on the map with sharp, taut and authentic, ultimately explosive work. And she has taken more hits then Jack Abramoff for it.”
—DC Blogs
“D.C.'s biggest blogger and sexual
activist”
—Chicagoist
“The Capitol's second-most-famous Internet-abetted sex-scandal queen”
—Radar
“She is, for better or worse, our blog slut.”
—The Washington Post Magazine
“A sexual tour de force in Washington...
a Carrie Bradshaw for the Beltway.”
—GIANT Magazine
“An expert on the seamier side of politics”
—Washington Post Express
“Cutler embodies today's feminism lite”
—New York Magazine
“Downright legendary”
—The Washington Examiner
“Another seductress rocks Washington!”
—Playboy
“The Capitol's favorite trollop”
—New York Daily News
“Capitol Hill's favorite groupie”
—Wired
“Our own Françoise Sagan”
—The Weekly Standard
“The Arthur Frommer of the nooner”
—Vanity Fair
“A poor man's Catherine Zeta-Jones”
—Hyphen
“What hath Candace Bushnell wrought?”
—Christopher Buckley
“A master storyteller”
—Wizbang!
“A woman whose only bankable skills were here [sic] vagina and her asshole”
—why.i.hate.dc
“A literary genius compared to me”
—Rebecca Agiewich, Chick Lit authoress
“A new kind of white [sic] gangster girl”
—CBS News
“The crown princess of [a] brave new wave of heartless tarts”
—The Toronto Globe and Mail
“Skank Queen”
—Blogebrity
“Sex Kitten”
—Fashion Week Daily
“[An] unstoppable juggernaut of breasts and sex with boring politicians”
—DCist
“Clickety-clack. Clickety-clack. Here comes Jessica Cutler in black crocodile Manolo Blahnik heels…If any man in Washington, D.C., knows what was good for him, these are the sounds to make him run — and fast.”
—The Hill
“Drags Washington’s grey-haired elite down into a scandal pit, with nothing more than the crook of her pretty little finger.”
—Susie Bright
“Launched the feverish wet dreams of a thousand horny politicos, causing them to soak through the starched crotches of their J. Press trousers.”
—Listen! Listen, Listen, Listen, Listen, Listen!!!
“Exposes Capitol Hill as a sad cross between seventh grade and Melrose Place.”
—Slate
“Web Gal Makes D.C. Pols Squirm”
—New York Post
“I hear she bites...”
—Shoe Lover
“To the potential male suitors of this petite brunette with the perky smile and pixie laugh, be forewarned: Jessica Cutler does not Google well”
—KoreAm Journal
“Anyone would feel like a blushing virgin next to this chick.”
—FishBowlNY
“Mother of All Whores”
—Lindsayism
“A girl after our own heart”
—Wonkette
“Slut! Whore! we cry, wringing our hands, our eyes glued to her cleavage.”
—Bitch Magazine
“She's probably got a good heart in there somewhere—just really, really big breasts hiding it.”
—Josh Spear
“You have great boobs, darling!”
—Conversations with Famous Writers
“Titillating”
—Time
“Saucy”
—The Cleveland Plain Dealer
“Succsexy”
—The UWO Gazette
“Comely”
—The New York Times
“Wanton”
—The American Enterprise
“Pliant”
—Gothamist
“Giddily whorish”
—Nerve
“Highly sexed”
—Newsday
“Disarmingly direct and charming”
—The Baltimore Sun
“Too real to hate”
—The Cincinnati Enquirer
“Too smart for jail and too prude for pregnancy”
—The Daily Orange
“She has a well-spoiled cocker spaniel, so she's clearly good people.”
—Articulatory Loop
“Unless you're a cold-hearted, child-beating, racist, I'm going to like you if your name is Jessica, period.”
—DC Cookie
“Instead of wanting to shoot Jessica Cutler for transforming her slutty escapades into a lucrative book deal, the beltway bunch should want to thank Cutler for making them look better.”
—Gawker
“Everyone on the Hill think[s] Jessica Cutler (aka Washingtonienne) is a big fat liar. I think that's bull. She's not fat. ”
—The BIGHEAD Blog
“Her presence seemed to provide affirmation that in spite of everything, there was glamour, of a kind, to be found in Washington.”
—The Washington Monthly
“[Proves] sleeping around pays.”
—Maxim
“The fair Jessica is showered with money by her various sugar daddies, some of whom display a strong fondness for Grecian sensuality in the bed chamber.”
—The Quintonian
“Her notoriety is more a turn-on than a turn-off.”
—Women’s Wear Daily
“Jessica Cutler is hot. Trampy, but hot.”
—Cleveland Park Men’s Club
“She's gorgeous”
—Washington City Paper
“Note Jessica's chiseled half-Asian features, which I pine for. Damn her!”
—Julia Allison
“I still think I could totally drink her under the table. (No I don't.)”
—One Child Left Behind
“I admire Jessica for her tenacity, her honesty, and just her sheer pluckiness. And yes, you can fucking quote me on that.”
—Lusty Lady
“She just hasn't gotten the attention she deserves”
—Michelle Malkin (again)
Email Me
Please
I need money for sluttyclothes and drugs!
Credits
Site by Elevated Works
Bra by Agent Provocateur,
as worn by me.
The Washingtonienne: A Novel
In bookstores everywhere
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Books-A-Million
BookSense.com
Powell’s Books
Sexe au Capitole
French translation also available
Washingtonienne's Guide to DC
“Armed with a closet of clingy dresses and with a compact of Nars Orgasm blush, the wanton heroine wastes no time making DC her playground.”
—Washingtonian Magazine
Reviews
“There's something very refreshing about her cynical sexual frankness, her shrugging irreverence toward the buffoons with whom she is intimate, her Scarlett O'Hara tenacity...It's amusing to see Washington fixed by such a vodka-gimlet eye...the beltway bunch should be grateful for this lewd, unpretentious valentine to their city.”
—The New York Times
“Washington’s version of ‘Sex and the City’…lively, funny, and agreeably in-your-face.”
—The Washington Post
“This is a novel of uncommon candor, humor, and perspicacity, and I loved every page of it.”
—The Weekly Standard
“This year’s hottest read”
—Playgirl
“Racy and offensive and really, really good”
—The Cincinnati Enquirer
“An unvarnished account of what it's like to be a pretty, sociopathic vixen living in a harsh world”
—The Toronto Globe and Mail
“Unrepentant fun...Main character Jacqueline is cynically smart, narcissistic, and damaged and, therefore, more than a little scary.”
—Library Journal
“A graphic walk on the tawdry side of Washington”
—USA Today
“A lewd, boisterously smutty, funny, observant Washington tell-all.”
—AudioFile Magazine
“Only someone so sexually liberated, someone such as Cutler, could refer to anal sex - as she does on page 101 - as slipping out of Door Number One and into Door Number Two.”
—The Daily Orange
“Makes for one coy striptease”
—Publishers Weekly
“Wildly dishy and full of who-knew trivia”
—Glamour
“More delicious detail than the Starr Report”
—People
“The book is a must-read for any Capitol Hill staffer or lobbyist, and anyone else even mildly associated with political life…Once you pick it up, it’s almost impossible to put down.”
—The Hill
“[A] portrait of the scrounging, idea-free juveniles who staff Capitol Hill offices”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Savvy and sexy, this sizzler strips away the pompous, stodgy veneer of our capital city…We just know this racy tale is going to be clucked over and tucked into every messenger bag and briefcase in the District.”
—Book Page
“I loved it and should probably send Jessica a thank you note because it was so engrossing I went an extra three miles on the treadmill.”
—Jennsylvania
“DCist really, really wanted to hate The Washingtonienne…But you know what? We finished the book in a day. And enjoyed it.”
—DCist
“Boob-rific”
—SFist
“Anal-tastic”
—Defamer
“Hilarious”
—Reason
“Shocking”
—Entertainment Weekly
“Scandalous”
—Vanity Fair
“Exactly what lots of people like to read while working on their tans at poolside”
—Dallas/Fort Worth Star-Telegram
“Yes, I'm going to read it. Girlfriend can learn a few things.”
—FishBowlNY