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Just kidding. I'm going to San Diego-LA-Santa Barbara to see some friends. I'm not bringing the laptop, so no email or blogging until I get back. See you in 2007!
P.S.
On a totally unrelated matter: You know what would make "Dexter" even better? If they cast the guy who played his boyfriend in "Six Feet Under" as Sgt. Doakes.
Can you imagine? Me in court? In my most alluring navy blue ensemble? Carrying a copy of my book, The Washingtonienne: A Novel, available at bookstores everywhere and Amazon.com?
I think it's pretty obvious that I don't blog about anything important, or about any of the relationships that matter to me. I didn't do it back when I was blogging anonymously, and I sure as shit don't do it here. Nor do I have $20 million, never will. But I do have some nice shoes, a gently used Tivoli radio, a $500 Target gift card (with $375 left on it), and a large collection of ugly Xmas ornaments (photos tk) that Rob can have if he wins.
Update:
HuffPo and Jossip are saying that Rob could ruin the Internet. People are just realizing this now?
Server probs due to higher-than-usual traffic. But I'm still here.
Best gifts: Tivoli radio from Dad, $500 Target gift card from Mom
Worst gift: iPod Shuffle with one song on it (Roxy Music's "More Than This")
"WTF?" gift: Kenny Lane replica of a necklace Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany's
I am not even trying to write a Very Special Xmas blog post. Please girl, this is me, remember? I would sooner live blog my next abortion than post something like this. Not here, not ever.
So get this: The 2001 club classic "Toca's Miracle" by Fragma is finally on iTunes! Don't know when it went up, I just found it like five mins ago.
You're doing coke with a boy you used to babysit. In fact, you bought it from him.
What a bunch of assholes. Clearly, these are my people.
This reminds me of:
Previously:
This was not a career choice
Related:
"JESSICA CUTLER'S 16TH MINUTE OF FAME" (In which Malkin thought I was runner-up for Person of the Year in 2004!)
Read Susie Bright's intro on her website.
The Best American Erotica 2007 now available for pre-order at Amazon.com.
Sometimes I just need a professional opinion to make myself feel better. Like Homer Simpson's "NOT CRAZY" stamp.
"You're still young," the dermatologist told me, "Botox would be a waste of money for you at this point."
He gave me a prescription for Retin-A instead. I'm so relieved that I'm still in the "preventative stage" of aging, but I'm going to a plastic surgeon for a second opinion. If there's a way to look better, I want to know about it. That doesn't necessarily mean I'll get anything done, but "a stitch in time saves nine" or something.
Lost again.
Update:
Got it! Thanks to Michael in Beverly Hills.
I'm at that age when I should start wearing eye cream. It makes my eyelashes thicker and fuller, which is nice, but I remember snooping through my boyfriend's wife's medicine cabinet and laughing at all of the "age-defying" products (and stealing the Klonopin) therein. Now it's my turn to get old and I don't like it. So this week, I'm consulting a dermatologist and a plastic surgeon. If we take any "before" photos, I'll post them.
I'm turning the bedroom into a closet/dressing room, so the living room becomes the new bedroom. (I don't need a living room, do I?) This is my fifth move this year and hopefully my last.
I know it's better to ignore stuff like this, but I secretly get off on it:
From: angrysaxon@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, December 7, 2006 11:45 AM
To: jessicacutler@hotmail.com
Subject: Love your work
An unsurprising fiction from a typical half-blooded caricature of homo sapiens and a typical half-Chinese mama-san. I'm guessing you said, "me so horny, I love you long time'.
Consider this a hypothetical threat on a life. Kami akan bakar semua perek (we will burn all whores) dan kami bisa tahu semua informasinya (and we can find out all your [sic epersonal] information.
You have been warned.
Dylan Stableford, is that you? I know you're still mad about the panel thingy, but really! I'm not Chinese.
Update:
Angry Saxon responds:
Non mama-slut-san this is NOT some limp-dicked US girly boy, your talking to 100% British Beef and proud. INTEL sends its greetings to your 'me so horny' mama-san.
So I guess that email wasn't from Dylan. My apologies, Angry.
Fishboy Dylan Stableford is right. This behavior is "shocking" for someone like me. Instead of giving proper notice weeks ahead of time, I might have no-showed/stomped off in a huff/shown up drunk and/or high, as is my habit. But you can't blame me for not wanting to pay my own way. I mean, has anyone ever traveled by plane to a mediabistro.com anything? (Subway, maybe.) I wouldn't call any of the panelists suckers for doing it for free, but anyone paying $20 at the door might fall into that category.
Update:
It's sad that the only way mediabistro.com can get press for their event is by calling me a whore. Even sadder is that no one on the panel made Page Six today, but I get a mention for not doing it. See how this blogger-turned-author thing works? I just saved you $20.
Michael and Rachel:
They should pay you just to spite me!
He's reading this blog, searching for the reason why I won't return his calls. While it would give me some small amount of sick pleasure to list all of his faults here, doing so would only further demonstrate my poor taste in men.
I don't know which is more disappointing: That he can't figure it out himself, or that he's not a regular reader.
From my Amazon sales page
Instead of taking this is an insult w/r/t my writing ability, I welcome a younger demographic! Amazon is right. My book is perfect for young adults age 9 to 12 on your holiday shopping list. Buy here.