31 January 2006
"Exactly What The Title Says"
People You Wish You Could See Naked
I am the author of The Washingtonienne: A Novel, magazine columnist, and the proprietress of this website.
Read my latest column here.
Named one of Jane Magazine's
“30 Under 30” in 2006
Voted one of “Washington’s Most Loathsome” in 2005
One of “NYC's hottest bloggirls”
—Jossip
“Who is Jessica Cutler? Let's just say
she's a very friendly Syracuse native
who has dedicated her life to govern-
ment service in Washington, D.C.”
—The Syracuse Post-Standard
“Jessica Cutler is beautiful, untalented, and morally corrupted.”
—Michelle Malkin in The National Enquirer
“Forget the war in Iraq and the presidential election—the real talk in the nation's capital is about the exploits of former senatorial staffer Jessica Cutler.”
—In Touch Weekly
“D.C.'s biggest blogger and sexual
activist”
—Chicagoist
“She is, for better or worse, our blog slut.”
—The Washington Post Magazine
“An expert on the seamier side of politics”
—Washington Post Express
“Downright legendary”
—The Washington Examiner
“Another seductress rocks Washington!”
—Playboy
“The Capitol's favorite trollop”
—New York Daily News
“Capitol Hill's favorite groupie”
—Wired
“Our own Françoise Sagan”
—The Weekly Standard
“The Arthur Frommer of the nooner”
—Vanity Fair
“A poor man's Catherine Zeta-Jones”
—Hyphen
“A master storyteller”
—Wizbang!
“[A] wicked woman”
—The Washington Post
“A new kind of white [sic] gangster girl”
—CBS News
“The crown princess of [a] brave new wave of heartless tarts”
—The Toronto Globe and Mail
“Skank Queen”
—Blogebrity
“Sex Kitten”
—Fashion Week Daily
“Cutler embodies today's feminism lite”
—New York Magazine
“What hath Candace Bushnell wrought?”
—Christopher Buckley
“[An] unstoppable juggernaut of breasts and sex with boring politicians”
—DCist
“Clickety-clack. Clickety-clack. Here comes Jessica Cutler in black crocodile Manolo Blahnik heels…If any man in Washington, D.C., knows what was good for him, these are the sounds to make him run — and fast.”
—The Hill
“Web Gal Makes D.C. Pols Squirm”
—New York Post
“I hear she bites...”
—Shoe Lover
“To the potential male suitors of this petite brunette with the perky smile and pixie laugh, be forewarned: Jessica Cutler does not Google well”
—KoreAm Journal
“Anyone would feel like a blushing virgin next to this chick.”
—FishBowlNY
“Mother of All Whores”
—Lindsayism
“A girl after our own heart”
—Wonkette
“Slut! Whore! we cry, wringing our hands, our eyes glued to her cleavage.”
—Bitch Magazine
“She's probably got a good heart in there somewhere—just really, really big breasts hiding it.”
—Josh Spear
“You have great boobs, darling!”
—Conversations with Famous Writers
“Titillating”
—Time
“Saucy”
—The Cleveland Plain Dealer
“Succsexy”
—The UWO Gazette
“Comely”
—The New York Times
“Wanton”
—The American Enterprise
“Pliant”
—Gothamist
“Giddily whorish”
—Nerve
“Highly sexed”
—Newsday
“Disarmingly direct and charming”
—The Baltimore Sun
“Too real to hate”
—The Cincinnati Enquirer
“Too smart for jail and too prude for pregnancy”
—The Daily Orange
“She has a well-spoiled cocker spaniel, so she's clearly good people.”
—Articulatory Loop
“Unless you're a cold-hearted, child-beating, racist, I'm going to like you if your name is Jessica, period.”
—DC Cookie
“Instead of wanting to shoot Jessica Cutler for transforming her slutty escapades into a lucrative book deal, the beltway bunch should want to thank Cutler for making them look better.”
—Gawker
“Everyone on the Hill think[s] Jessica Cutler (aka Washingtonienne) is a big fat liar. I think that's bull. She's not fat. ”
—The BIGHEAD Blog
“Her presence seemed to provide affirmation that in spite of everything, there was glamour, of a kind, to be found in Washington.”
—The Washington Monthly
“[Proves] sleeping around pays.”
—Maxim
“The fair Jessica is showered with money by her various sugar daddies, some of whom display a strong fondness for Grecian sensuality in the bed chamber.”
—The Quintonian
“Her notoriety is more a turn-on than a turn-off.”
—Women’s Wear Daily
“Jessica Cutler is hot. Trampy, but hot.”
—Cleveland Park Men’s Club
“She's gorgeous”
—Washington City Paper
“Note Jessica's chiseled half-Asian features, which I pine for. Damn her!”
—Julia Allison
“I still think I could totally drink her under the table. (No I don't.)”
—One Child Left Behind
“I admire Jessica for her tenacity, her honesty, and just her sheer pluckiness. And yes, you can fucking quote me on that.”
—Lusty Lady
“She just hasn't gotten the attention she deserves”
—Michelle Malkin (again)
Email Me
Please
I need money for sluttyclothes and drugs!
Archives
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Credits
Site by Elevated Works
Bra by Agent Provocateur,
as worn by me.
31 January 2006
"The Jessica Cutler questions"
From The Hill:
"Two questions Wonkette blatantly refused to answer involved Jessica Cutler, the former aide to Sen. Mike DeWine (R-Ohio) who helped Wonkette's career blossom with the revelation of the staffer's sex-laden Web log two summers ago..."
Her "tightly wound" publicist explains:
"I told Ana to skip them [the Jessica Cutler questions] because much of the publicity for Dog Days has focused on the whole Washingtonienne affair, which I think diverts too much attention from the book itself. Riverhead is invested in Ana's career as a writer, so we clearly think there are more important things to talk about."
But they were important enough to put in her book. Surely New York Times material.
The Hill "Wonkette: Goiing to the 'Dogs' (or maybe to the NYT?)"
30 January 2006
Was me?
From today's DailyCandy D.C.:
"How does she do it — on a meager staffer salary, no less? Must be blackmailing someone with her tell-all smut blog."
Thanks for the shout-out.
DailyCandy D.C. "Outshine the Competition"
28 January 2006
Three months later, Stephanie Klein weighs in
Photo by Christopher Griffith for New York magazine.
greek tragedy "sexomfortable"
Related entry:
"The Jessica Cutler Show"
27 January 2006
Nice outfit
"Was it an homage to the notoriously wrap-dress-loving Jessica Cutler, i.e. the Washingtonienne?"
Just like her book. But again with the shoes!
The Hill "In the know"
Related entry:
Ana Marie's unfortunate footwear choices
Update:
Shoelover asks, "What was she thinking?"
Shoe Lover "Ana Marie 'I like them big and liberal' Cox"
Update:
Maria at Daily Dose of Queer offers "proof that Ana Marie Cox could have worse taste in shoes."
Daily Dose of Queer "Ugliest. Shoes. Ever."
27 January 2006
John Kelly calls bullshit on Washingtonienne, Wonkette
The Washington Post "The Washington I Don't Know"
Our "Washington" sells sexy chick-lit books.
27 January 2006
Bookmark this
The IVR Cheat Sheet by Paul English
P.S.
And if you haven't registered your mobile number with the National Do Not Call Registry, you should do so now.
See how nice I am? My good deeds for the year.
25 January 2006
If I had a blogroll
Of course, AssCo would be at the top:
AssCo, founded by spicycontent, Blogger Extraordinaire and Elon James White, Cheeseburger Eater Extraordinaire, is the leading company in pursuing Ass. With its staff of highly qualified ass...er...getters, no ass is safe within a 27.5 mile radius of any of their members.
24 January 2006
I hate these dumb quizes, but this looks so familiar:
| You Are a Lace Bra! |
 You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome With a softer side that only you can draw out |
The Washingtonienne: A Novel
P.S.
Am not a "Lace Bra," nor did I take the quiz. Some dork just sent me the HTML.
24 January 2006
My first column for asiance
And, of course, my hair in the headshot looks awful. (Was raining.) I guess Photoshop can't fix everything.
Read my debut column online:
asiance "Why I write about sex"
24 January 2006
Am such an Overheard groupie
That I'm on two of their banners!
MichaelMalice.com "Banner Tales"
23 January 2006
$4500 for the Jessica Spot
A friend recently informed me that my photo appears on the MySpace sign up page. It says, "Jessica is a member of MySpace and would like you to join":
Yes, I am a member of MySpace, but I don't care whether you join or not.
Nor did I know that my profile was being used this way. I didn't know if it was just a coincidence or if the photo was in random rotation or what, so my friend offered to call MySpace and ask them about it. He emailed me back today:
I got a call back again today from the dude at My Space. He was all over me, telling me that if I had someone that wanted “prime billing” on the site, a la “Jessica Cutler,” my “client” could pay My Space for such a high profile.
This person would pay these fuckers $4,500 for a month in betting in the “Jessica spot.”
I swear to God that’s what he called it.
“Jessica spot,” just cracks me up. And hey, who knew you were getting such a value?
I suppose I should be grateful. What a friggin honor.
22 January 2006
Who you can do for your country
I'm on Shoelover’s “Freebie Sex List”:
Shoe Lover "Freebies"
22 January 2006
"Blog Whores"
A preview of an upcoming Village Voice article:
mimi in NY "Blog Wars"
22 January 2006
OMFG
From the Babeland website:
Horsetail plugs: "Turn yourself into a pony by inserting the plug."
Plume plugs
I'm not into this, but no judgment against anyone who is. I'm just old-fashioned, I think.
19 January 2006
Save the date
April 19, 2006, 8pm
In The Flesh Reading Series, Happy Ending Bar
Sexy nonfiction on the theme of "True Confessions" from local erotic authors, sex columnists, and personalities including comedian Dan Allen, Jessica Cutler (The Washingtonienne), Miriam Datskovsky (Columbia Spectator sex columnist), Judy McGuire (Dategirl columnist for Seattle Weekly), Audacia Ray (wakingvixen.com) and memoirist Felicia Sullivan.
302 Broome Street, NYC
Directions: B/D to Grand, F to Delancey, J/M/Z to Bowery
Free. Must buy Jessica Cutler at least one drink.
Read more:
Lusty Lady "Killer lineups"
18 January 2006
Reminder
Only 27 shopping days left until Valentine's Day (February 14 for scrubs who don't know). You'd better bring it!
17 January 2006
From my Inbox
Subject: your scandalous bedroom
From: my favorite "Photoshop dork" Brian Van
Related entry:
The writing was Photoshopped on the wall
16 January 2006
You can call me lots of things, but you can't call me a bad dresser. I mean, you could, but you would be wrong.
Unf, since I stupidly submitted Lady Bunny and RuPaul as Best Dressed Bloggers, I can't win because no one looks better than they do. But it's nice to be nominated nonetheless:
Shoe Lover "Lo-lo-lo-lo lola"
16 January 2006
New Lilly
The Lilly Pulitzer Spring 2006 collection is here, but I don't see anything I love.
14 January 2006
My drunk prediction for 2006
Grunge will make a comeback. This is not wishful thinking, just a bad feeling I have.
11 January 2006
The writing was Photoshopped on the wall
I told you I don't have graffiti all over my bedroom! This is what my apartment really looks like: drab, with bad lighting and bare walls. Maybe I should put up posters or something. Photoshop dorks, do your worst. Photo by Alice Park.
Read the article:
KoreAm Journal "Let's Blog About Sex"
Related entry:
From the November issue of KoreAm Journal
10 January 2006
On my Tivo
WD-50's Wylie Dufresne challenged Iron Chef Mario Batali to a "Battle Tilapia" on the most recent episode of my beloved "Iron Chef America." New York foodies know how major this is. If you missed it, check here for air times.
10 January 2006
How does Zachary Roth know that I was "turning tricks"?
And which "high-ranking government officials" were those? Were there more than one? Maybe there were so many of them, I just lost count. (See last paragraph of this article.)
Do your research, Roth! You could have at least asked me about it when you saw me at the Capitol File party:
A frisson of excitement rippled across the room as in walked Jessica Cutler, aka The Washingtonienne...She writes a column for the magazine—her Holiday-issue effort begins, “If I don't get a Cartier “Love” bracelet from my boyfriend this Christmas, it's over,” —and her presence seemed to provide affirmation that in spite of everything, there was glamour, of a kind, to be found in Washington.
I was drunk, but I don't remember no frisson. Everyone was probably just making fun of my hair.
The Washington Monthly "New York, Paris, Milan...DC? Two new magazines serve Washington's style-challenged wealthy."
8 January 2006
"Depression Dos and Don'ts"
I found a link to this article on my MSN homepage as I was checking my Hotmail today. All of their advice suggests that my depression will eventually cause me to die of a heart attack.
Thanks for cheering me up, MSN.
7 January 2006
Quickie movie review: Hostel
Not gross enough for me, but worth my $10.75. Eagerly awaiting the "Unrated Director's Cut" on DVD.
7 January 2006
More like the Justin Timberlake to my Janet Jackson
TMFTML recently called Ana Marie Cox "the Boswell to Jessica Cutler's Dr. 'Pay My Rent and I'll Suck Your' Johnson."
Right. Please email me@jessicacutleronline.com or make a donation!
6 January 2006
Aidan Quinn: Jesus is my co-star
A provocative, edgy and compelling new drama, "The Book of Daniel" stars Emmy nominee Aidan Quinn ("An Early Frost," "Plainsong," "Legends of the Fall") as the Rev. Daniel Webster, an unconventional Episcopalian priest who not only believes in Jesus – he actually sees him and discusses life with him.
!!!!
NBC.com "The Book of Daniel"
Update:
Was cancelled.
6 January 2006
Ana Marie's unfortunate footwear choices
Photo by H. Darr Beiser, USA TODAY
From Newsweek's review of Dog Days by Susannah Meadows:
The failure of Ana Marie Cox’s first novel, “Dog Days,” starts at the bottom, with the heroine’s shoes. In the opening scene, Melanie Thorton, a low-level presidential campaign staffer, wears a pair of “strappy” Charles David sandals with a heel “thin and wide, like an upright graham cracker.” The shoes, we are told, cost $350...
If you’re trying to knock-off “Sex and the City”—which Cox desperately is, with her single women bantering about cocktails and men—at least get the shoes right. They cannot be a brand that’s available online and at shopping malls in the exurbs. They should be unattainably expensive. (Charles Davids actually go for about half of what Cox reports.) They must not involve man-made materials. And it is imperative that the heel be more stylish than a snack food. Tackiness in literature should only be intentional.
Read more:
Newsweek "Where’s the Wit?"
P.S.
Dog Days gets a charitable review from Christopher Buckley in this Sunday's NYTBR. Of course, it was written by a man, not by shoe-bitches like Susannah Meadows or myself.
Unf, he's the only one who liked it:
The American Enterprise "Blog Days"
The Los Angeles Times "Politics as usual"
Newsday "The blog that ate Washington"
San Francisco Chronicle "Wonkette hits below the Beltway"
P.J. O'Rourke in The Washington Post "What a Tangled Web We Weave"
the village voice "She So Got a Book Deal: Wonkette's Loveless Debut Novel"
Washington City Paper "'Ette Tu?"
The Washington Times "Sex, life, scandal in Washington, satirized"
Thanks for the links, but I'm done here.
5 January 2006
The new Wonkette
Photo by Jimmy Smith
From Lady Bunny Blog:
Look, I know that George W. Bush isn't personally responsible for summoning the hurricane and he wasn't stamping on top of the mine to collapse it. But the basic message is, the safety of the little people isn't important. And warnings like the many ignored reports about the levees of New Orleans or the hundreds of safety citations given to this particular mine--273 in the last 2 years--clearly indicate that this administration puts $ above people's lives. Kanye, Bush doesn't care about white people either if they're poor. If you think of the unheeded warnings and botched intelligence which led to 9/11, he doesn't care too much about ANYONE.
So what the fuck is he doing in the White House?
West Virginians who voted for him please discuss.
Lady Bunny Blog "SAGO: KATRINA FOR WHITES?"
Related entry:
Queen of Political Weblogs
5 January 2006
Happy birthday, Susannah!
See you at the party tonight! I bought you a gift and it's not a surprise.
4 January 2006
Pretty
Single Eyeshadow in "Party Monster" from the NARS Spring 2006 Collection.
Buy here.
4 January 2006
Ask Jessica
From: xxxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: question
Date: January 3, 2006 12:49:14 PM EST
To: me@jessicacutleronline.com
noticed in your playboy pictorial (my bf had the online version) that you are bare down there - im considering going the brazilian wax route and curious if you had any advice for a newbie - thx!
Photo by Gen Nishino
Go to J. Sisters in New York and SoBe. The best, and more importantly, the fastest!
P.S.
I recently began a series of laser hair removal treatments at Completely Bare for a permanent Brazilian instead of the "Baby," should the hairless look go out of style sometime before I die.
P.P.S.
Waxing and laser hair removal are both painful and expensive. In fairness, your boyfriend should pay for these treatments.
3 January 2006
Ask Jessica
From: xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Capitol File...
Date: January 3, 2006 10:33:38 AM EST
To: me@jessicacutleronline.com
Want to read your article...is it posted anywhere online? Unfortunately is is hard to find the issue on shelves.
Photo by Gen Nishino
FishBowlDC recently posted a bitchy "preview" of my latest column, but unf, Capitol File, like many magazines, doesn't put much of its editorial content online. You should either subscribe or ask for it at Barnes & Noble. They're usually pretty cool about getting magazines for their customers.
| Capitol File's Holiday Issue | 
|
3 January 2006
"One can't help but compare it to The Washingtonienne"
|
|
|
USA TODAY goes there:
The jackets of the two novels tell volumes about what's between the covers — literally and figuratively.
The cover of The Washingtonienne has cleavage ensconced in a lacy pink bra. The book is basically a sex romp.
The cover of Dog Days is red, white and blue with silhouettes of a donkey and an elephant. Though neither book is complimentary to Washington politics, Cox's book is less risqué and more a behind-the-scenes look at the seamy — not the steamy — side of politics.
Yes, I do always find a way to make it about me.
See also this gorgeous photo (except for her shoes):
Photo by H. Darr Beiser, USA TODAY
USA TODAY "'Dog Days' squares with Washington"
Update:
From Wizbang:
HBO has acquired the rights to Jessica Cutler's book Washingtonienne, and Sarah Jessica Parker has signed on as co-producer.
Hollywood picked the winner in the Cutler/Cox book battle before Ana Marie's book even hit the shelves...
It's not an intramural competition. As I wrote before: Everyone's a winner!
Wizbang "Underneath Wonkette's Robes"
Related entry:
The perfect Xmas gift for sociopaths, Capitol Hill staffers, and/or people who hate me
3 January 2006
My new shampoo
WEN Fig Cleansing Conditioner smells so good, boys waiting behind you on line at Starbucks will ask you for your phone number. TRUST.
Buy here.
2 January 2006
NYT on "blovels"
From The New York Times review of Dog Days:
"Dog Days" is predicated on the thought that it is a short leap from a blog to a blovel. "She's so getting a book deal out of this," somebody in "Dog Days" says about Capitolette, the fictitious blogger who is invented by the inventor of Ms. Wonkette (which makes this book a roman à clef à clef, for anybody who's counting layers of artistry here). But getting the book deal proves easier than writing the book.
More re: my favorite character, Capitolette/Heather:
In keeping with the book's paint-by-numbers manner, Heather is a Washington hybrid of Jessica Rabbit and Jessica Simpson.
Jessica Rabbit + Jessica Simpson = Jessica Cutler? Maybe if you divide by Jessica Lovejoy.
The New York Times "A Blogger Creates a Blogger for a Trip Back to 2004" by way of Lusty Lady
Update:
From GalleyCat:
It didn't take too long for Cutler to express her opinion of Maslin's review: "Jessica Rabbit + Jessica Simpson = Jessica Cutler? Maybe if you divide by Jessica Lovejoy." Maybe this Thursday, when Cox holds her New York City reading at a Barnes & Noble not too far from Cutler's East Village digs, she'll be able to tell Wonkette just what she thinks of the novel itself...
I won't. She didn't come to any of my readings, either.
GalleyCat "Facts Continue to Change Their Shape"
Related entry:
TONY against "blooks"
2 January 2006
TONY against "blooks"
From Time Out New York's review of Dog Days:
Why buy this mediocre satire when you can get the author's ramblings for free just by going online?
Nevertheless, Ana Marie's blogger friends TMFTML and Old Hag support the book. Of course, us bloggers do have lower standards.
Time Out New York "Dog Days"
1 January 2006
2006: Year of my high school reunion
Unless our class president (?) decides otherwise, Nottingham High School's "Class of Ninety-Sex" will meet in a bar in downtown Syracuse over Thanksgiving weekend. This is no different from what we usually do when we go home for the holidays, so if I go home for Thanksgiving, I'll go to the reunion—but only if Rachel R. goes with me.
Expect me to start a new weblog with "Gawker Stalker"-style sightings of my classmates over Thanksgiving/reunion weekend. Example: “I saw Jessica Cutler playing Ms. Pacman at Johnny's Pizza, cursing loudly at ‘Sue.’” And maybe I could do an “Overheard at Taps,” if Morgan and Malice will allow me.
Update:
By the way, Rachel R. wants to open a bar on Westcott Street. She will call it “Banned for Life from Taps,” for our friends and family members who are, of course, banned for life from Taps.
Is my trailer park showing?